Most parents believe they should quit yelling at their children but find themselves repeatedly yelling without recognizing it. Our children only obey once we become so tired of repeating the same command that we yell at them. True, shouting first catches their attention, but in the long term, it will lose effectiveness, and then what will we do? Scream more, yell longer, and survive via shouting?
Is education possible without shouting?
It is. It should be our decision. Our children have developed the undesirable habit of disobeying only when they perceive us as irrationally furious. Consequently, we must eliminate this habit and replace it with a better one. Shouting teaches our youngsters to listen when they raise their voices. The more we use it, the more we train them, and the more difficult it will become for them to comply without shouting.
It is difficult to stop yelling because it requires tremendous self-control over our emotions, particularly the wrath and rage we feel when confronted with our children’s everyday misbehaviour. This training is time-consuming. First, we will know how to stop as soon as we begin to scream, but eventually, we will be able to stop before we begin to scream; it is simply a matter of suggesting it and putting it on the 2023 goals list.
And to persuade you to agree with me and add this want to your list, I will give you five reasons to quit educating without shouting:
1. Shouting causes youngsters to become deaf
Our children’s ears will immediately close in response to yelling, rendering any explanation or education we intend to impart to them useless. After a negative interaction, no one is willing to listen attentively and with the desire to learn and grow; positive interactions are required to achieve this. If we wish to improve our children, we will not yell at them.
It is aggressiveness, not assertiveness, that causes a similar response in the listener while shouting. Kids may not respond to us with yelling when they are infants, but it is only a matter of time before they do.
2. Shouting does not aid in emotion management
Our behaviour is an example for our children. When we lose control and yell, we teach kids that anger and rage can be managed through aggression. We will encounter adolescents filled with wrath who yell and lose control in response to the emotional explosion that occurs throughout this developmental stage. They will learn to respond more appropriately to wrath and rage if we teach them to manage it differently, with self-control and calmness, and by discussing their feelings freely at home. If you hear screams, you will eventually learn to scream.
Handling negative emotions like wrath and rage is difficult. The majority of us were never properly instructed in this manner. So, it is often very difficult for us to maintain self-control and refrain from shouting. In the end, we must also engage in the process of learning.
3. Shouting terrifies our children.
They initially sense fear, followed by rage and powerlessness. Do we wish for our children to sense fear? We want children to comply, learn, do the right thing, respect us, etc., when we yell, but we do not wish to instil fear in them. Hence, we do not attain the desired result with our attitude: respect is gained by respecting, obedience is won through patience, learning involves time and effort, and doing the right thing will depend greatly on our conduct.
4. Shouting drives people away
Every time we yell at them, a brick is added to the wall separating us. We lose positive authority, respect, communication, distance, relational coldness, increased shouting, and emotional discomfort.
5. The more one yells, the worse one’s self-esteem.
Our children’s self-esteem is severely damaged by yelling as a teaching method. Instead of feeling that we are happy with their accomplishments and efforts, they feel that they never measure up; no matter what they do, they are constantly yelled at, erasing any sense of having done well. The power of a scream is so great that it might cancel out any compliments you may have given them throughout the day. Our youngsters will remember only the yelling and what they did wrong. This increases the sensation that everything needs to be done correctly.
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