One of the most frequently asked questions regarding couple conflicts relates to the common fights whose causes have nothing to do with love and are, in fact, unrelated to it. After the phase of falling in love, when the stage of readjustment begins, the couple’s disputes revolve around the idealization or expectations of the other partner. This stage, which never ends and will expand over time, is vital for a healthy coexistence because at the genesis of conflict are issues such as the family of origin or an excessive idealization of wanting more to “make” the other than to accept it in its uniqueness or otherness; also the insecurity or lack of self-love whose trigger is sometimes scenes of jealousy; the absence of joint projects and individual projects, and most importantly, the lack of communication in the couple, both at the beginning of the relationship and after some time has passed.
It is not required to avoid conflict; rather, it is vital to settle it. Fighting is not negative, and discussing issues of disagreement is both good and necessary for the couple’s adjustment. The problem arises when one partner imposes their needs, priorities, desires, likes and dislikes, sexuality, or infidelity on the other. Often, this occurs because, at the beginning of the relationship, neither partner communicates with the other about their needs, priorities, desires, likes and dislikes, sexuality, or infidelity. When you develop an emotional connection with someone, there comes the point when one of you anticipates more. Here is the time to agree on how we want the partnership to function.
Because you get couplehood skills, it is a field that requires ongoing collaboration. It is a challenging region that requires sacrifices, patience, understanding, and trust… Maintaining requires so much effort that it is only worthwhile to do so with someone who enriches your life and respects your privacy and silence. Hence, it is beneficial to work on the relationship without losing sight of the fact that being a couple is a daily task.
Occasionally, however, a couple’s conversation serves only one aim: not to achieve an agreement or to understand the other but to impose, control, or be right. And this is why debates frequently devolve into “fights” over unimportant matters that have nothing to do with the primary topic of discussion and are addressed with a destructive communicative style, which has become an accepted mode of communication. It enters a spiral of reprimands, which at the wrong time are of little or no help, the tone is raised, offensive or hurtful phrases are used, and in some cases, it reaches the level of insult or disrespect.
It is time for the pair to enhance their communication. There are a variety of techniques that, with the assistance of a professional, can help us develop communication strategies aimed at creating a climate that allows us to assertively express our emotions and respect our partner, reducing or controlling negative interactions, always from an appreciative perspective, actively promoting positive exchanges, encouraging the partners to value and recognize what each does for the other; learning to discuss in a structured manner, by rephrasing, reiterating, and rephrasing again; and learning to While being in a relationship may also be known, it is worthwhile to attempt to do so.
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