Since the introduction of new technology, notably social networks, and dating programs, the process of finding a spouse has altered significantly.
Until recently, the hunt for a companion occurred concurrently with existence. Although there has always been a time to locate a partner to “create a joint project,” it is generally known that “you’re out of time” is a frequent expression in our society, referring to the amount of time available to complete this endeavor. In contrast to today’s social networks, where even as we view a profile, we’re already wondering whether there isn’t a better one available, most living places in the past were predominantly rural, limiting the selection choices.
In addition to the passage of time, our meeting location has also changed. In the past, face-to-face social interactions occurred in dance halls, promenades, taverns, and nightclubs. In the beginning, the elements of seduction were the smell, the manners, and the conversation, but now it is the image that matters, the image configured on the network. Sometimes it is a matter of photographic skill, of the portrait’s composition, to arouse attraction or exaggerate the characteristics that comprise our personality.
Social networks are a resource in which we explore various profiles in search of one suitable for us. There are multiple options to pick from, such as whether they enjoy sports, are romantic, have huge eyes, occupation, or studies, and depending on what you see, you either “like” them or do not. You no longer need to see them, hear their voice, or drink coffee to dispose of them; a simple finger movement is sufficient. On the other hand, recognizing the “definitive match” as the conclusion of the search is not a simple task in terms of whether or not that mate suits our loving style, given that the offer is, as stated, endless.
Although this is a departure from the usual norms for finding a spouse for many individuals, others discover in this area the means to approach people they believe to be similar, considering that the more qualities they share, the more successful their partnership would be. This is only sometimes the case; frequently, diverse individuals have the healthiest relationships. We cannot deny that the archetypes of relationships are shifting and that changes in how we react to one another in romantic relationships are inevitable, regardless of the source (online or face-to-face). Seduction is not only a masculine trait; women also seduce, and there is a better acknowledgment of sexual diversity among individuals.
The success of finding a partner lies neither in the time nor in the spaces nor the applications but in the expectations we create for ourselves, sometimes expecting someone to “make us happy,” an overrated happiness; the self-concept is also another obstacle to overcome when looking for a partner; the threshold of demand that we set for ourselves searching for someone who does not exist. And above all, success is in the use of language, in the engagement with the other, in seeking communication in that initial meeting, wherever it may occur, allowing ourselves to be taken away by the moment and allowing ourselves to be startled by what follows while keeping our eyes open. In any event, we live in a different era, when image and consumption appear to be of utmost importance (also in relationships).
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